


Family

by mediocrityatbest



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:41:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24542527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mediocrityatbest/pseuds/mediocrityatbest
Summary: “He can be scary when he tries,” Patton said, smiling, and yes, that tasted sweet. Truth. He truly believed that Virgil could be scary. Good. Janus would hate for Virgil’s favorite pastime to become unavailable to him. “But that’s kind of misleading, I guess. I wasn’t thinking about how scary Virgil can be. I was thinking about how scary it was when he ducked out.”Janus felt the room fall into slow motion. The words weren’t making sense. Virgil did what?Or:Janus finds out about that one time Virgil tried to duck out. He's less than pleased.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 20
Kudos: 340





	Family

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a Tumblr post that posed the question: how would Janus/Remus react when they found out about Virgil ducking out? I swear to god I reblogged it but I can't find it on my blog or on Tumblr in general. Should you see this, I am so sorry about that. I am more than willing to give credit to you for this idea I just have no idea who you are and I spent a ludicrous amount of time searching for the post with no luck.
> 
> Edit: Found Them! It was @1americaninapool on Tumblr!!

"Hey, Dec-Janus! Janus! How are you doing, Janus Janus bo banus, fee fi fo-"

"I am doing quite well, Patton," he said, smoothly interrupting before Patton could really get going on a song he hadn't heard since childhood. It was still so odd to hear the others using his true name. Only Remus and Virgil had known before, and it's not like Virgil-

Well. It was better not to think about Virgil.

Patton flushed but grinned, less exuberant than normal but Janus was willing to chalk that up to his own presence more than anything else. Patton tried, but the transition period was rough for all of them. Some more than others. "How are you, this  _ lovely  _ day?"

"I'm great!" Patton said immediately, and Janus could taste the lie on his tongue. But before he could contradict that, before he could even decide if it was his place to, Patton's smile took on a more somber note. "Well, maybe not great. I've been feeling kinda nostalgic, getting caught up in old memories." He sat on the window sill and leaned against the pane, watching the rain falling outside.

"What kind of memories?  _ If  _ you don't mind my asking," Janus said. He swept closer and leaned his hip against the table, staring out the window with Patton. The rain was pouring down and every once in a while thunder shook the house. He sometimes wondered why they had weather inside Thomas' mind, but then he would remember that the twins were the two most extra people he knew.  _ Of course _ they had weather.

"Not the good ones," Patton said quietly. "The scary ones." He didn't look at Janus, and Janus really had no idea where this conversation was going. Scary movies, perhaps? Nightmares that, when Thomas woke up crying, would put himself back to bed, still too scared to even get up? A prank Remus had played on him that had gone too far?

"It's just," he continued, "the rain. It reminds me of Virge. Our little stormcloud."

"Oh,  _ yes _ ," Janus muttered. "Virgil. The absolute  _ scariest  _ thing this side of the mindscape." It startled a giggle out of Patton and Janus was so shocked he almost took a step back. He knew, of course, that Patton tended to throw up walls in the form of false smiles and laughs when he wasn't feeling well to redirect worry. (After all, Janus had been heart wrenchingly aware of each and every one. Not being accepted did not negate his base purpose and need to keep them safe and, yes, even happy. Much like Virgil, he would take the hate to keep the family he did and didn't have safe.) But what he had not expected was the genuine laugh he let out when he had already admitted to being less than great.

“He can be scary when he tries,” Patton said, smiling, and yes, that tasted sweet. Truth. He truly believed that Virgil could be scary. Good. Janus would hate for Virgil’s favorite pastime to become unavailable to him. “But that’s kind of misleading, I guess. I wasn’t thinking about how scary Virgil can be. I was thinking about how scary it was when he ducked out.”

Janus felt the room fall into slow motion. The words weren’t making sense and Patton’s mouth was moving but he could hardly hear the sounds coming out. He what? When did he-?

“We could have tried harder. We  _ should _ have tried harder. But none of us realized-or, no, we refused to realize how important Virgil was. How much we need him around. I just get so caught up in what could’ve happened if we hadn’t gotten him back. How hurt we could have been. How hurt _ Virge _ could have been. And I-I feel so bad-” Patton turned to face Janus and there were tears running down his face. He barreled into Janus and on instinct he wrapped his arms around Patton and patted his back. After a minute, he summoned Logan.

“What do you-”

“Could you-help?” Janus muttered, motioning at Patton with one hand. Logan saw his tear covered face and bristled, but immediately stepped forward, placing a hand on Patton’s shoulder. Janus moved away without even noticing the glare tossed his way and, once he saw that Logan had it under control, sunk out.

He didn’t know where he was going, only that he needed a second to process. He needed to think about what had happened, figure out when Virgil had done  _ that _ , why he had done something so incredibly  _ stupid _ , why he hadn’t come to Janus and Remus instead. Why why why-

“Jayjay?” Remus said, softly wrapping an arm around Janus’ waist. From the tone of his voice, Janus knew that it wasn’t the first time he’d said his name. “You okay?” He pulled Janus to his bed and sat them both down. “Do I need to kill someone for you? I will.”

“I-” Janus said, but his voice was choked and the words cut off. Remus looked even more worried at that.

“Hey,” he said and he was being so gentle. “Do you want a severed head? I have some. Or I can get your snakes. What’s wrong?”

“It’s Virgil, he-” Janus choked on the words again and then buried his face in his hands. He was shaking. He was shaking and blurring and he couldn’t focus, couldn’t think past the thought of Virgil  _ leaving _ . He tried to leave them and Janus hadn’t-he hadn’t even known, what kind of person did that make him? How could he have  _ not known _ when Virgil left, when he tried to do that to himself? Why would Virgil do something like that? He knew better, he knew people cared, he knew he mattered. All three of them had made damn sure that they wouldn’t ever be alone, even if they were mad at each other, so why would he  _ do _ that?

Slowly, Janus came back to himself. “C’mon, Snakey Jay, talk to me,” Remus said. He was kneeling in front of Janus, hands on his legs but not crowding his space. “Is everything alright? Is Virgil? Did he get hurt? Does he still have all of his limbs? Have they fallen off? Did one of the others stab him? Did crows eat his eyes? Is he alive? Did he get run over?”

“No, no,” Janus said. Remus’ frantically spoken thoughts came to a screeching halt to stare at Janus. “He’s fine, it’s okay.” Remus practically collapsed in on himself. Janus reached out and wrapped his arms around him, pulling them both back onto the bed. “Sorry,” he said quietly. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just-”

“What happened, Lord of the Lies? You’re usually much more put together than this.” Remus waved a hand at Janus’ clothes, and he only then realized that he hadn’t even noticed when Remus snapped him into different clothes. He was wearing his comfort clothes now: soft sweats and one of Remus’ old t-shirts and the black jacket that Virgil-

That Virgil-

“Virgil tried to duck out,” Janus said. Remus went totally still beside him. “I don’t know when. I think it had to have been a while ago, but he did. He tried to leave and I don’t know why or when or anything.” He turned to stare at Remus. “I didn’t even know. How didn’t we know?”

“He tried to leave?” he asked. Janus nodded miserably. “He just tried to-to leave us? He didn’t even bother saying goodbye? Who the fuck gave him the right? Who the fuck-”

“Remus-”

“-told him he could just do that? I am going to kick his ass, and when I’m done I’m never letting go of him again, that fucking  _ asshole _ .” Remus launched himself off his bed and conjured his morningstar to hand.

“Don’t you think the morningstar is a little overkill?” Janus asked.

“Oh, it’s going to be,” Remus said and sank out before Janus could convince him to reconsider. With a sigh, Janus followed him to Virgil’s room a second later.

The cacophony of noise that met his ears when he rose up was overwhelming. The morningstar was sunk into the wall, a hairsbreadth from Virgil’s Jack and Sally posters and there were a couple of shattered dishes on the ground. Remus was waving his hands around like a maniac, spouting off words so repulsive Janus was sure Virgil had no idea what he was talking about. Sighing again, Janus waved a hand and Remus’ slapped over his own mouth. They could both still definitely hear the muffled curses Remus was incessantly shouting.

“What the frick is the matter with you?” Virgil shouted. “What the hell?”

“I agree,” Janus said. “What the hell?” He stared at Virgil. Virgil stared back.

“You realized I have no clue what you’re talking about, right? You’re ridiculous,” he muttered, and bent down to start collecting bits of the broken plate. Remus snapped the fingers on his free hand and it disappeared. Virgil glared at him.

“I was cleaning that up,” he snapped.

“Usually, when someone does you a favor, the correct response is a  _ thank you _ ,” Janus said.

“Maybe it would be if he hadn’t  _ put his morningstar through my wall! _ ” Virgil shouted. Janus snapped his own fingers and the wall self corrected back to the proper structure. The morningstar, for all that he thought it was unnecessary, remained in the room, leaning against the dresser.

“If I remove your hand, will you allow us to have a civil conversation?” he asked Remus. Remus began spouting more muffled nonsense from behind his hand. Janus sighed, but waved a hand so that Remus could speak again.

“You dumbass fucking asshole!” he screamed and tackled Virgil. Those were the tamest words to come out of his mouth since Janus had shown up, but from the look on Virgil’s face they were still plenty effective. The pair landed on the bed and wrestled around for a moment. Virgil screamed at Remus to get off of him and Remus kept calling him names. Janus watched it all with the exasperation generally reserved for parents with unruly children only a couple of years apart in age. He held his face in his hands, well aware that nothing that was getting solved, and waited.

Eventually, finally, Remus brought out his tentacles and wrapped around Virgil so securely that Virgil was incapable of removing him.

“Fuck off!” He pulled at a tentacle, but another immediately replaced it and wrapped around him even tighter.

“Fuck you!” Remus said. “Fuck me! Fuck us all, but I’m not moving!”

“What is this about?” Virgil snapped.

“I don’t know, Virgil. Why don’t you tell me,” Janus said. “What on earth could this be about?”

“If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking!”

“How are you doing, Virgil?” Janus asked instead of answering.

“I was fine until you burst into my room uninvited!”

“No urge to do anything ill-advised, then? Say, ducking out?”

Suddenly, as suddenly as they had appeared in his room, all of the fight went out of Virgil. He stopped trying to peel Remus’ tentacles off and stared off at one of his walls, not moving.

“Oh. Y’all heard about that?”

“ _ Heard _ about that!” Remus echoed in a shrill, shrieky voice.

“Yes, Virgil, we heard about that. We have questions.”

“And demands,” Remus added. Janus was sorely tempted to silence Remus again, but he did have a point, and he did have just as much right as Janus did to be upset.

“You can watch the videos, then,” Virgil said. “I’m sure there will be more than enough information there to answer your questions. Now get out of my room.”

“The videos?” Janus said quietly, and Virgil winced so harshly Remus shuddered with him. “There are videos?”

“Forget I said that.” Virgil stood up from his bed and faced Janus. “I’m serious. Get out of my room. I don’t have the energy to deal with you two tonight.”

“Thomas put videos on YouTube of you trying to-”

“I said!” Virgil interrupted Remus, “Forget about it. And leave.”

“Like you tried to?” Remus said.

“Virgil,” Janus said, and he put the videos in the back of his mind. He’d watch them later, see what answers they could afford them, and then he’d have a serious conversation with the others about what kind of content was acceptable to put out. Who exactly was acceptable to exploit and what exactly would happen if those lines were ever crossed again. “You know what happens to a side when they stop fulfilling their function.”

“No crap,” he said.

“And yet you willing not only stopped fulfilling your function, but entirely took yourself out of the equation.” Janus stared at him. Virgil, with Remus still hanging from his body, stared back. Janus broke first. “Why would you do something like that?”

Janus wished he didn’t sound half as desperate as he did. He wished he could lie and believe himself when he said his voice didn’t break. Janus didn’t want to have this conversation, he didn’t want to have not known about what happened, he didn’t want to have to think about what might’ve happened. He didn’t want to think about Virgil doing what he did, and he wanted to be able to say Virgil would never in a million years so much as  _ think _ about doing something like that and have it taste like candy in his mouth.

He thought the words, and he faintly tasted copper. He wasn’t sure he could believe them.

“Does it matter?” Virgil said. “It was two years ago. I’m over it. It’s in the past now.”

“ _ It matters to me! _ ” Janus yelled. Virgil took a step back, eyes getting bigger. He could feel the way the eye shadow was beginning to over take his face and he knew that Remus, as sensitive as he was to the way others felt normally, must be just as bad, if not worse off than him. It was a struggle to make himself care, though; to think anything past Virgil, leaving; Virgil, being gone; Virgil, not coming to him.

“I care about you,” Janus snapped. “Remus cares about you. We love you and we are your family whether you want us or not. We are with you no matter what.” He forced himself to take a breath, force the eye shadow and anxiety to recede. It was a learned skill, and it did not come easily. “You may have left, but that has never meant that we didn’t care about you.”

“Left?” Virgil said. “Don’t act like one day I just decided to move out. This wasn’t my choice. You kicked me out!”

“Record scratch?” Remus suggested, ripping his head off his body with his tentacles to look back and forth between them. Normally, Janus would have laughed. Now, there wasn’t a bit of joy in his body.

“I did no such thing,” Janus said. “You left in the middle of the night. We woke up and you were  _ gone _ . We thought you’d-you’d  _ ducked out _ . When we found out you had just moved…” He stopped, swallowing.

“We thought you were dead, Scarebear,” Remus muttered. “We were just relieved that you weren’t, even if it meant you hated us and moved away.” He put his head back on his body and nuzzled into Virgil.

“I didn’t want to leave,” Virgil said. His voice sounded choked. “I woke up on the other side surrounded by people who didn’t want me around and I thought you had kicked me out. That everybody hated me.”

“Is that why you ducked out?” Janus asked softly. There was a lump in his throat and it took every bit of his will to keep his voice from shaking or cracking.

Virgil hesitated, and the silence went on for an eternity. Janus thought he wouldn’t believe them, wouldn’t talk to them, would kick them out and never let them back in. Finally, he said, “I thought my family hated me and had gotten rid of me. The people I lived with hated me and thought I was only holding Thomas back and...and I started to believe them. So, yeah, I decided I’d just remove myself from the equation entirely. At the time, it seemed like the best answer. Nobody who didn’t want me around would have to be around me, I wouldn’t have to be constantly reminded that I was unwanted, and Thomas could finally start...enjoying his life, without me there to bring everything down.”

“Virgil,” Janus said, and that time his voice nearly did go out. He blinked furiously to keep the tears in his eyes from escaping. If he started crying now, he wouldn’t stop.

“That’s not true, Scarebear,” Remus said. A huff of air flew from Virgil’s mouth as Remus hugged him even tighter. “You always made my creations even better. Without your input, I wouldn’t have made half of the things I did. They would have been so much worse. And you made sure they worked out. You saved my life more times than I can count.”

“You have always called me on my bullshit when I needed you to,” Janus added, breathing slowly. “But you let me get away with it when I needed to, too. You have been innumerably helpful and we never wanted you to leave. We never wanted to  _ lose _ you, for a minute or eternity.”

“And I always keep my promises. Even if we had kicked you out, I promised I’d always be there to help you. You should have come to me.” Remus’ voice was barely audible to Janus, muffled by Virgil’s hoodie. His new hoodie, in colors that suited him so much better than plain black ever did. He’d made himself a new home, despite it all. And there might not be room for Janus and Remus in it.

He’d have to learn to live with that, if it’s what Virgil wanted. No matter how much it hurt.

“Yeah, well, hindsight’s 20/20 and all that.” Virgil rolled his eyes and scrubbed at them, smearing eyeshadow over his face like coal dust. “God, you guys are the worst. Busting into my room unannounced just to make me break dishes and cry. Fuck this.”

“I suppose there’s nothing to be done for the dishes,” Janus said. He tried for smooth and fell devastatingly short. He took another shuddering breath and added, just in case Virgil forgot and needed to be reminded, “We love you, Virgil. I love you. So much.”

“I love you forever.” Remus shifted around again and Virgil almost lost his balance. “And the dragon-witches in my realm have missed you. You owe them a visit.”

“It’s best not to push our luck, Remus. Virgil will visit if he wants to, but he may need some time to process.” Janus shoved a piece of hair out of his face. He gave Virgil a strained smile. He didn’t know what he’d do if Virgil still wanted nothing to do with them. If he rejected this offer. “Our door is always open to you. It always has been. You are welcome with us anytime.”

“Fucking assholes,” Virgil said, and a crack Janus could feel went straight through his heart. Virgil threw a hand out to him, and Janus tried to prepare himself for getting cast out.

But how could you prepare yourself for something like that?

“Get over here, Jay.” One of Remus’ tentacles wrapped around his waist and jerked him forward before he could react. Virgil’s arm wrapped around his back and Remus’ tentacles held him there tightly and, in the embrace of the two people whom Janus treasured most in the world (and one of which he thought he’d never get to hug again) he couldn’t stop the tears. A dam broke open and it felt so good to finally have them all back, together, the way they had always belonged.

A wet spot soaked through the shirt he was wearing, and Janus realized he was far from the only one crying.

“Salty,” Remus said, licking the tears off of Virgil’s face. He reared back, letting out a noise somewhere between outrage and amusement, and they all toppled onto the bed. Janus snorted on a laugh as the position shifted. He ended up with Virgil more or less on his chest, and Remus still hanging onto him like a possessed koala.

“It’s getting rather late,” he muttered. “Should we-”

“You’re already in your pajamas,” Virgil cut him off. “And it’s a hell of a lot of effort to move. Just stay here.” He yawned and his eyes shut. Janus’ heart warmed at the sight.

“Okay,” he said. “But only because it takes  _ so much effort _ to get up.”

“Obviously,” Virgil agreed, and both of the lies tasted like copper on his tongue. He’d never been quite so happy about tasting something so bitter.

Janus lay in the quiet, experiencing it for everything it was worth. Remus’ fingernails scraped lightly at the comforter and Virgil was absently humming a song that he couldn’t place. Janus wondered what music he’d gotten into since they’d stopped talking. He wondered if there was a whole new genre of music that he wouldn’t understand a single reference to. He wondered if Virgil still had playlists on his phone for both of them, and if he’d made some for the other sides, too. He wondered if he had kept all of the stuff he and Remus had given him. He wondered if they’d get to do it all again, now. (He wondered why Virgil’s room had moved. He wondered what the catalyst for all of this had been.)

But some questions were better left for tomorrow, and people that weren’t half asleep.

“I, uh,” Virgil murmured, and they both shifted to hear him better. “I-you guys-you’re good, you know. I never-”

“You love us, too,” Janus said.

“Yeah, that. Never stopped. Couldn’t have. Just...we’re always for each other, yeah?”

“It’s what families do,” Janus said. The taste of sugar and candy that flooded his mouth at Virgil's admission was the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted, and it was all he could do to not laugh giddily and maybe cry again.

“We never stopped loving you either, Spider.” Remus cradled his face with a tentacle.

“Slime machine,” Virgil said fondly. Remus cawed out a laugh.

“Only for you. You get the juiciest stuff.”

“Shut up,” Virgil groaned, but Janus could see the unguarded smile on his face. There was a warmth blossoming in his chest that he hadn’t felt in years. Happier than he ever thought he’d be again Janus let himself bask in their benign bickering. It was good. It was great. And if he was lucky, Janus would have a lot more where this came from.


End file.
